Same sex weddings shouldn’t be any different from any other wedding. When it comes down to it, all wedding planning should be similar. After all, a wedding is about nothing more than two people in love, standing up and declaring their love to be permanent, in front of their family and friends. But unfortunately, things aren’t always so straightforward if you’re planning a same-sex wedding. And while that isn’t fair, it is something you need to bear in mind. So, here are 6 things you should consider when planning your same-sex wedding, with both the positives, and the negatives.
You Can Cast Tradition Aside
When it comes to heterosexual weddings, there are reams and reams of traditions you have to contend with, some of which can cause big arguments in the family. But with same-sex weddings, there is absolutely none. Literally the only expectation is that you both say ‘I do’ – and everything else is open to interpretation. So you can draw on traditional wedding ideas if you want, or you can just throw the whole rule book out and create something that is truly meaningful to you. Want to walk up the aisle on your own? Go for it! Don’t want to walk down the aisle at all? You don’t have to. Want to toss a silk tie instead of a garter? All you need it the tie. Want to have one big, shared wedding party instead of one for each side? That’s totally your call. There are lots of ways to do this, including using a celebrant, so you can include whatever you want (even religious aspects, which a registrar wouldn’t allow), and tailor your ceremony to suit you.
Discrimination Can Be An Issue
While we would all love to live in a world where this wasn’t the case, there is sadly still a lot of discrimination out there towards same-sex couples, and same-sex marriage. So you need to be mentally prepared for that going in. When it comes to your venue, flowers, cake, clothing or anything else, most wedding vendors are wonderful, accepting and want nothing more than to help you feel special for your big day. But even though your rights are enshrined in law, you might find some are a little less welcoming of LGBTQ+. It’s worth bearing in mind that this could just be because they don’t have much experience serving this kind of client, so some guidance might be exactly what the situation requires. Or you may find that your ideal vendor isn’t as accommodating as you’d hoped, so it pays have a few options ready just in case.
Budgeting Might Be Different
Again, in straight weddings there are some traditions around money, who provides it and where it gets spent. The big one being that the bride’s family is supposed to pay for the wedding, or a big chunk of it. A lot of modern couples are dismissing this tradition as it is, or putting in a large portion of the money themselves, but in a same-sex wedding there is no deeply-ingrained tradition for where the money will come from – so this will require more planning on your part.
You’ll also need to think about the breakdown of expenses, since this might be slightly different for a same-sex couple. For example, instead of a wedding gown and rented suit, a same-sex wedding might feature two grooms who want complementary, but not matching, suits. As with anything wedding budget related, you will need to sit down from that start, set out a budget and work out what the priorities are for you.
Show Your Passion for Fashion
Two dresses? Two suits? Two of something else (kilts anyone?)? The question of what to wear for your same-sex wedding is both difficult and easy, because there are no rules! You can craft a wedding look that represents your style, makes you feel comfortable, and doesn’t have to fit into the ‘traditional’ boxes. with carte blanche to look and feel exactly how you want, the sky is the limit, be it goth, glam, grunge or something else entirely that is uniquely and unquestionably you.
The Guest List Might Be Tricky
No matter what the size or tone of your wedding, juggling a guest list can be challenging. But for same-sex weddings, the reasons for this can be very different. For example, a traditional bride and groom might struggle with how to fit everyone in. But a same-sex couple will face different issues – like having to focus on who will actually say ‘yes’ to an invitation. Bearing in mind that society covers a broad spectrum of opinions on the issue of gay marriage, and you may not be aware of the true feelings of some of the more removed people in your life. But whatever route your guest list takes, you can take heart in the fact that you will be surrounded only with people who love you and wish you the best on your wedding day.
You Can Mix Up Seating
Traditional wedding etiquette says that guests of the bride sit on one side, while guests of the groom sit on the other. However, that doesn’t really work with a same-sex wedding, and anyway the whole tradition is outdated. So for the ceremony, you can do seating any way you like. You can allocate seats by name, or you can just get everyone to pick their own seats instead. I personally love the ‘two families become one, so pick a seat, not a side’.
I spend a lot of time working with same-sex couples on planning the perfect ceremony for their wedding, and I’m always happy to help you plan yours! If you would like any information or advice, or just someone to bounce ideas off for your same-sex wedding, I would love to help. Just get in touch with me today.