second time around, happy ever after
Second time around wedding? They are not unusual. A lot of the couples I work with tend to be getting married for the second + time. Second time around marriages are really common in this country – especially given that around 50% of UK marriages end in divorce – and more often than not the second marriage is much more successful than the first.
But with a second marriage comes a second wedding, and while planning them is just as amazing an experience, they are often very different from the first in almost every aspect, from the guest list to the wedding ceremony itself.
Wanting Something Different
There are still a large number of people who, when they get married, allow themselves to be swayed by what other people want their wedding to be. They might have parents who are stuck in the cycle of ‘well my parents planned my wedding, so now I get to plan yours’, or they may have just opted for something more traditional, like a wedding in a church.
That may have been right for them at the time, but when it comes to the second time around wedding, most couples are a little more mature, more sure of themselves, and want something a bit different. Priorities may be very different second time around and whilst the dress and party are important, the wedding ceremony, vows and commitments are at the very heart of your day.
Check out my blog for a fabulous themed wedding, after all, this may be your only chance to go ‘extra’!
I’ve noticed that with a lot of second weddings, the whole affair is usually much less formal. If they did the big traditional wedding the first time, then it’s natural to want your second time around wedding ceremony to be a bit more relaxed. This might mean no real dress code, a bit more of a light-hearted approach, children doing readings, upbeat songs and so on. This goes hand in hand with the fact that many couples prefer to have a smaller-scale wedding, or even marry abroad, with simpler ceremonies shared with close friends and family.
Celebrant, Registrar or Church?
As with first weddings, you have the choice of what kind of officiant you have for your second time around wedding ceremony. A lot of second time around weddings are also often done by a celebrant rather than a registrar or a member of the clergy. This is because a celebrant offers much more flexibility than other options, and allows you to do what you want with your ceremony without being restricted by any of the longstanding, sometimes silly, rules governing registrar and church wedding ceremonies.
There is a tradition that says you can only wear white at your first wedding. Honestly, this is a load of rubbish. You can wear whatever you want to your wedding ceremony, whether it’s your first, second wedding or fifth. But many brides tend to go for the bigger, more traditional wedding dresses for their first wedding. But if they have a second one, they may have already done the big fairytale wedding, and want something a bit more subdued this time. Second-time brides will often opt for something more reserved – a flattering dress without a big meringue skirt, a variation on the traditional ivory gown, or a trouser suit, or something colourful. Whatever makes you comfortable really!
Children at a Second time around Wedding
If you, or your partner, have children from your first marriage, then it can be lovely to get them involved in the wedding in some way. It symbolises you bringing the two families together, and there are a lot of roles they could play. Younger children love being page boys, bridesmaids or flower girls, for example. Teenagers are a little trickier, as they may not want to be involved or play a role, but if they do, or if you have adult children, you could ask them to do a reading, sing during the wedding ceremony or even give the bride away if your father isn’t around anymore.
We can also include symbolic elements in your wedding ceremony that involve children and even your other guests, if you wish. For example ring warming is an ancient tradition whereby every guest holds and blesses the wedding rings during the ceremony.
Second marriages are wonderful things and your second time around wedding is not the ‘start of the rest of your life’ as many see the first wedding – but instead the start of a new chapter. One you are more prepared to embark on, with years of experience behind you. You will have learned so much about yourself from your first marriage and, no doubt, come to a great many conclusions about what’s important to you, how to love and be loved. And, at the end of the day, love is all you need. Get in touch with me for a chat about your second time around wedding plans.