Writing your own wedding vows
A celebrant-led ceremony provides you with a fantastic opportunity to write your own vows, unrestricted by rules and regulations. You have completely free rein to include whatever you wish when declaring your feelings and promises to your partner. Many couples welcome the freedom but at the same time, it’s hard to know where to start. Here are a few ideas and top tips to get the ball rolling…..
- Before writing your vows, have a chat with your partner to decide the tone you are both aiming for. If one partner writes their vows in a lighthearted, humourous style and the other is romantic and deadly serious it will feel disjointed. A good starting place is to match the tone of your vows to the style of the overall wedding. Fun and frothy, serious and romantic, anything goes but it’s best if you are both aligned.
- In the lead-up to the wedding, write down the little moments, words, situations, stories, that make you feel strongly about your partner. These small moments will all add up and there will be some good material here to build into your promises and commitments.
- Spend time alone, take a blank sheet of paper and just start writing. You can edit it later.
Here are 5 key tips to help you personalise your vows….
- Tell your partner what you love and admire most about them
Decide on your top 3 things and explain what they mean to you, eg “I love how you are totally supportive of my busy career” / “I love the way you are gentle and patient with our children”
- Include facts about how your life has changed since you met them
Talk about what they have added to your life and how it has improved from the day you met
- Express how would you like to support them / what you promise to do for them
Here’s where you make your promises to one another for your future together,
eg “I promise to give you freedom to follow your goals and offer support when you need a hug at the end of a long day…”
” I promise to love you as you are and not try to change you…”
” I promise to always be there for you and love you unconditionally in good times and in more challenging times”
4. Tell them your hopes for the future
This is a great time to celebrate your plans and wishes for your future together, whether it be a quiet and simple life or wild adventures!
5. Use your partner’s name and make eye contact
Nobody expects you to memorise your vows, it just creates additional pressure on an already stressful day. Your celebrant will print out your vows and you can read them to your partner. Remember to look up and make eye contact with your partner, and use their name. Rehearsal definitely helps, as public speaking is not everybody’s strength! Speaking from the heart and sounding natural is much more important than sounding polished and professional.
6. Keep it short and sweet
Ideally your vows should be around 1 minute long. You will have time in the reception speeches to add stories about your lives together and tell amusing anecdotes – the vows are best kept short and sweet.
Writing your own vows can be a really moving and personal experience for you both. After all, you are unique so why have the same standardised ceremony as everyone else?
Your celebrant will help you with ideas and advice on writing your vows. For more information get in touch with me today, I’d love to hear from you.