6 Funny Wedding Ceremony Readings

Nov 7, 2020 | Weddings

6 funny wedding ceremony readings

Funny wedding ceremony readings definitely have their place, especially nowadays when weddings are altogether less formal and constrained by tradition.

There’s no getting around it. Wedding ceremonies, while joyous and amazing occasions, can sometimes be a bit laden with the enormity of what’s about to happen. It can feel as though there is a lot of expectation and pressure there, so while the room is full of love, it can be a bit confined by tradition. And no one wants that.

Funny wedding ceremony readingsSo what’s a great way to break it up, and remind everyone why they’re there in the first place? A good laugh! Yes, the jokes and funny stories don’t have to be saved for the best man’s speech – you can bring some laughter and levity into the ceremony too, by using some beautiful yet funny wedding ceremony readings.

There are too many wedding readings out there to count, but choosing them is all down to you and your personality. So if you like a laugh, you might want to consider one of these funny wedding ceremony readings.

A Lovely Love Story – Edward Monkton
If you’re a couple who like dinosaurs, or just wants a funny, cute and cuddly reading that makes your guests shed tears of happiness and laugher (often at the same time), then this one is for you.

As funny wedding ceremony readings go, this is a perfect balance of emotional and humour. This short story is a heart-warming tale of two dinosaurs meeting their soul mate, and learning what love is together. While the original version is written for a male-female wedding, you can easily adapt the pronouns to fit whatever kind of couple you are. It’s not too long, and it’s perfect for a child to read out! Here’s the first few lines, to give you a feel for it:

“The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage. Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur. The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.”
You can read the full version here: https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/readings/a-lovely-love-story/

He Never Leaves The Seat Up
Want a modern ode to marriage that will leave your guests rolling around on the floor in tears by the end? (hopefully not literally). Then this poem/reading fits the bill. It can be tweaked and changed to match you and your partner, but the essence of this reading will always remain the same. Neither individual is perfect, but the love they share is the most beautiful, perfect thing. If you want to get a feel for the tone, here’s the first 2 verses:

“He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!
She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!”

Read the full version here: https://www.hitched.ie/wedding-planning/wedding-poems/he-never-leaves-the-seat-up_502.htm

funny wedding ceremony readingsGravitation – Albert Einstein
Funny wedding ceremony readings don’t need to be laugh out loud, they can just induce a quiet chuckle. This might be the shortest wedding reading in history, but in just 5 sentences you will get laughs, ‘aww’s and a sigh of happiness from everyone in the room. It’s simple, concise and beautiful, from the mind of the most famous genius in the world. It’s so short in fact, I’m going to share the whole thing with you here:

“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

Yes, I’ll Marry You – Pam Ayres
I couldn’t really put this list together without including this one! ‘Yes, I’ll marry you’ has become a bit of a classic on the wedding circuit, and often replaces a lot of the more ‘traditional’, stuffy readings in order to bring a bit more laughter and joy to the room. It’s not difficult to see why it’s such a popular choice either – it’s a poem that hilariously sums up modern marriages in just 4 verses. Here’s the first one, to show you what I mean:


“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear.
And here’s the reason why:
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry.
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.”

Read the whole thing here: https://www.guidesforbrides.co.uk/wedding-ideas/yes-ill-marry-you-by-pam-ayres/

Love Me – Bee Rawlinson
Are you a bit risqué as a couple? Not above a bit of a naughty joke to get people laughing? Maybe live a bit of an alternative lifestyle, and all too happy to stand out in the crowd? You might get a kick out of this one. This reading might be the naughtiest one on my whole list, but it’s side-splittingly good, and it has the sweetest ending too! Funny wedding ceremony readings can be a bit naughty too! To give you some flavour:

“Love me when I’m old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let’s be randy bad old dears.”

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Read the whole thing here: https://www.hitched.ie/wedding-planning/wedding-poems/love-me-by-bee-rawlinson_520.htm

Falling In Love Is Like Owning A Dog – Taylor Mali

There are a handful of funny wedding ceremony readings that are an absolute must if you’re a dog-lover. This is one of them, it’s funny, highly relatable and reminds everyone that no matter what happens, or how many shiny new balls we have, love is all we really need. I love suggesting this one to couples who are already involving their dog (or any pets really) in their ceremony, as it ties everything together beautifully. Here’s a section from the middle for you:

“On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises. Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy. Love doesn’t like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you. It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.”
Overall, the perfect reading for any pet owner. Read the whole thing here: https://taylormali.com/poems/how-falling-in-love-is-like-owning-a-dog/

If you’d like any help choosing meaningful and funny wedding ceremony readings for your big day, I would love to help! Just get in touch with me and we’ll arrange a free, no obligation chat.

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